On December 31st, 1978, I was given the honor of witnessing the miracle of birth. Desiree Mary Vinas made her debut into the world. She was a first for all in our family. The first ‘Vinas’ girl since my birth, the first child for my brother and sister-in-law, the first grandchild for my parents, and she made me an aunt for the first time. She became the center-of-attention for all of us.
As she grew, she was affectionately compared to as another ‘Olga,‘ (a.k.a., Pandora) and I affectionately teased my brother about him having to put up with my protege, a payback of sorts.
Throughout the years, he would call me to let me know of my niece’s latest shenanigans but we would laugh as we knew that she would eventually outgrow her stubbornness, as I did when I had my own children and I myself having to deal with the sibling rivalry amongst them, as brothers.
And as we knew it would happen, Desiree grew up to be a wonderful mother of 4!! She had two sons, Devon and Andon and then two girls, Rylan and Jaylan. She was a very patient and a very loving mother.
On September 28th, 2010 our beloved Desiree gave the ultimate sacrifice any mother could or would have given. She perished in a fire while attempting to save her two young daughters, Rylan age 2 and Jaylan age 1 year. Her two sons survived the fire.
We as a family are crushed by this loss, we are devastated. We lost two generations of women, the procreation of our women! We had relied on them as a means of our survival, a survival of our female species, a testimony to our own lives. And in one final act, it was all gone. There are no words, no gestures that can ease or soothe our pain, our loss. It is done...
As of late, when I pick up the phone to speak to my brother, I don’t ask how he is, I know how he is. His heart aches for his daughter and granddaughters. I instead ask what he has done thus far for the day. I encourage him to think of the survivors, my nieces’ two sons, my grand nephews, Devon and Andon. I push him to seek therapy to help him handle his grief, and to seek therapy as a family. It is still too early for us to remember the things that made us laugh about Desiree, we avoid those memories. I know eventually we will fondly visit them but for now, we avoid the tears. And most important, I allow my brother to grieve.
My brother has many doubts and questions about my niece’s soul. He doubts that God needed her more than we did, that it was just her time. I steer him away from any doubts or questioning of the ‘Why God’ syndrome. I don’t want him to fall into that trap, the devil’s trap. It’s not easy but faith is what I encourage him to seek and to hold on to.
We miss our beloved Desiree. Our journey in this life sometimes is not what we think it should be. But we must always have faith that God’s plan is how things need to be. In our end, according to God’s promise, we will all meet again. I look forward to that day!!
R.I.P., Desiree Mary Vinas, b. December 31, 1978, d. September 28, 2010.
R.I.P., Rylan Vinas, b. September 29, 2007, d. September 28, 2010
R.I.P., Jaylan Vinas, b. June 29, 2009, d. September 28, 2010
I am so sorry for your's and your family's loss. I know that no words can help ease the pain, nobody can even begin to understand what your family is going thru. I understand how your brother struggles about the "why God" its a dangerous path to follow, as faith is ultimatly all we have. I pray you all can keep they faith and God will hold you tight and eventually ease the pain, even though the pain will never fully go away, but you will learn to life with it and appreciate the beautiful memories you still have. I wish there was anything I could do to help, but nothing but time will heal, nothing anybody will say or do will make this nightmare go away. But I do hope you know I am here for you, my dear friend, anything I can help you with, please let me know....(((((HUG)))))
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for such a devastating loss. I will keep your entire family in my heart and my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOlga, what beautiful, beautiful words you’ve expressed here about your beloved niece and her two sweet babies. As your long time friend, if only I could take some of that pain away from you. It would be done gladly. You are and always will be such a kind, gentle and compassionate soul. When we last spoke, the life in your voice was not there and I am sure the spark in your eyes is also gone. Then you told me what happened to your niece and her young daughters. Such devastation of what is unimaginable loss and pain only time will make this huge scar more bearable.
ReplyDeleteYour niece was a fantastic mother as this selfless act only proves. This is what a mother is all about. Speaking of mothers, please give your Mom a big, tight hug from me.
I don't think I ever met your brother, but want to extend my heartfelt condolences for his loss. His daughter bears an uncanny resemblance to you and I don’t know if you knew that, but she really does.
Hang on to your faith as that is the only thing that will pull you through this dark time. As a testament of your faith, lean on He who will carry you as you walk this path and get through this trial and tribulation. I will keep you and your loved ones in my thoughts and prayers.
My heart sinks when I read these words. I cannot express my sorrow. To know this kind of loss is something God must feel you are the bravest of the bravest. I know as a mother she has no regrets and I would have done exactly the samething! I will pray for peace for your entire family. God Bless! Lisa Cutolo
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