On December 31st, 1978, I was given the honor of witnessing the miracle of birth. Desiree Mary Vinas made her debut into the world. She was a first for all in our family. The first ‘Vinas’ girl since my birth, the first child for my brother and sister-in-law, the first grandchild for my parents, and she made me an aunt for the first time. She became the center-of-attention for all of us.
As she grew, she was affectionately compared to as another ‘Olga,‘ (a.k.a., Pandora) and I affectionately teased my brother about him having to put up with my protege, a payback of sorts.
Throughout the years, he would call me to let me know of my niece’s latest shenanigans but we would laugh as we knew that she would eventually outgrow her stubbornness, as I did when I had my own children and I myself having to deal with the sibling rivalry amongst them, as brothers.
And as we knew it would happen, Desiree grew up to be a wonderful mother of 4!! She had two sons, Devon and Andon and then two girls, Rylan and Jaylan. She was a very patient and a very loving mother.
On September 28th, 2010 our beloved Desiree gave the ultimate sacrifice any mother could or would have given. She perished in a fire while attempting to save her two young daughters, Rylan age 2 and Jaylan age 1 year. Her two sons survived the fire.
We as a family are crushed by this loss, we are devastated. We lost two generations of women, the procreation of our women! We had relied on them as a means of our survival, a survival of our female species, a testimony to our own lives. And in one final act, it was all gone. There are no words, no gestures that can ease or soothe our pain, our loss. It is done...
As of late, when I pick up the phone to speak to my brother, I don’t ask how he is, I know how he is. His heart aches for his daughter and granddaughters. I instead ask what he has done thus far for the day. I encourage him to think of the survivors, my nieces’ two sons, my grand nephews, Devon and Andon. I push him to seek therapy to help him handle his grief, and to seek therapy as a family. It is still too early for us to remember the things that made us laugh about Desiree, we avoid those memories. I know eventually we will fondly visit them but for now, we avoid the tears. And most important, I allow my brother to grieve.
My brother has many doubts and questions about my niece’s soul. He doubts that God needed her more than we did, that it was just her time. I steer him away from any doubts or questioning of the ‘Why God’ syndrome. I don’t want him to fall into that trap, the devil’s trap. It’s not easy but faith is what I encourage him to seek and to hold on to.
We miss our beloved Desiree. Our journey in this life sometimes is not what we think it should be. But we must always have faith that God’s plan is how things need to be. In our end, according to God’s promise, we will all meet again. I look forward to that day!!
R.I.P., Desiree Mary Vinas, b. December 31, 1978, d. September 28, 2010.
R.I.P., Rylan Vinas, b. September 29, 2007, d. September 28, 2010
R.I.P., Jaylan Vinas, b. June 29, 2009, d. September 28, 2010
